How to Please a Woman; From Dating to Doing it!

Many men fall into two categories; ones who know everything there is to know about women and others who throw their hands up in the air and say 'Beats me, I know nothing'! Maybe you're older and know them well enough by now, or perhaps your credentials include an impressive number of women you've slept with. But don't forget women are 90% brain and 10% sex organ- basically our brain is our sex organ. So if you think you know women because you've slept with a lot, you really only know 10% of a woman- not that impressive.

If you think you know women because you've been with a woman for many years and you know her inside and out, you may be surprised. Women change with each change of their life, they change more often than men do, sometimes with every season. You should know that just by how many times they change clothes a day. When she becomes a mother her needs change, when she works she changes, hormones change over time...you get the point. It may be hard to imagine, but do you really know her at all anymore? Long relationships require tune-ups and maintenance.

I want to start from dating, to maintaining a relationship, and of course sex. I'm covering a lot of ground here and we both know going in that men and women are hopelessly different creatures, but this is why my guide can't possibly hurt you. What are my credentials? I am a woman, I've listened to many women about their issues, I've been to marriage counseling, I've dated several men, and I have a psychology background with many courses featuring human sexuality and relationship counseling. And yet I realize having a woman tell you what to do sounds vaguely familiar to your mom, but put the past to rest and believe me...I am not your mom!

Dating

Speed courting? If I had it my way, we'd forget about the new modern ways of dating and return to the days of courting. When a man walked a woman home, got to know her family as well as her, and took a drive in the country...minus the quick and dirty romp in the backseat.

We've gone from chivalrous gestures, a kiss on the hand, to "winks" and "pokes" on a dating site. I just don't like the idea of a stranger poking me. Women as well as men are impatient about finding their match now because they're waiting so long in life to do it. We suddenly realize half of our 30's passed by and we might want to share our life with a significant other, like now!

While courting is almost irrelevant in today's world, it has it's place if used correctly. Do me a favor and watch an old movie, observe how the man approaches the woman and her reaction, and how the relationship proceeds from there. The trick is you can still go fast, but learn to go slow in all the right areas. The right areas include:

• Figure out if you've got chemistry- if you're using a dating site, the sooner you meet in person, the better. Most people can determine whether they have chemistry right away.
• Let her know you are into her, not just friends. As a woman, I can tell you that if I don't know for sure you are into me, you're in the friend zone quickly.
• Kiss us damn it! A woman who usually doesn't like kissing soon in a relationship will state this up front early on. That being said- kiss us ideally on the second date and no later than third or fourth. Women usually want the deal sealed with a kiss- that is the number one way we can tell if we are into you (it's all in the kiss).
• Don't skip the flirting. Flirting is foreplay.

Don't date above your means. This isn't a status statement or whether she's too good or not good enough for you. This is economics. If you don't have 5-star money, don't take a girl on a date to a 5-star restaurant. She may expect it all the time or it may mislead her about your finances and her expectations of you. For some women, finances are important. If you date within your financial means then you can weed out some of the gold diggers or status stalkers. A single rose is just as thoughtful (and less expensive) as a dozen...to the right woman.

Honestly it kind of freaks out some women when you overdo it for the first few dates. It makes her think you expect something in return or wonder how do you know you like her enough to spend so much or do so much.

Ask her questions. Your genuine interest in her and getting to really know her will be helpful in the bedroom. Trust me on this fellas. It's OK to start with generic questions in the beginning of dating. It's not OK to ask too personal questions in the beginning though. Getting to know her will also help you plan future dates with her, knowing what she likes to do.

Men tend to turn dating into an interview of themselves. They talk about their job, their interests, places they've traveled, everything they should be asking her. She is great at acting interested in you for endless hours, but deep down she is wondering when you will notice her or if you find her interesting at all. It's a turn off.

Put some of your needs aside. If you make the initial dating ritual about her, she will repay you two-fold later. Dating really is for women mostly; we need some kind of connection and men would rather connect physically right away without all the dating rituals. They almost know instantly whether they would sleep with you or not.

Relationships

Be her rock. Women are naturally anxious creatures and why is this? We have peripheral vision, we are psychic, but really we see everything going on around us in the moment and we remember everything from the past to what we forecast (and worry about) in the future. A woman will get stressed inevitably and part of your job is recognizing the signals because today's superwoman won't admit defeat or stress and men have a natural ability to see one task and one thing at a time- use this to calm and comfort her.

I seriously see more women nowadays putting things back together and solving the problems in the family. Men have taken a back seat role to problem solving. The woman is now feeling that she is the one that has to have a back-up plan and put things together when they unravel. It's important to jump in and maintain an active role in this, even if she says you've done it wrong. And she will because she's been doing it her way for so long. You must break this pattern. Sooner or later she will relax a little. Deep down inside every woman needs a knight in shining armor or a superhero to the rescue. At the end of the day she needs someone to fall back on. Even if you're not and alpha male you can play a supporting role.

Respect her differences even if you don't understand them. You may never understand her love of scrapbooking or which dishes are only for decoration, but that will work in your favor. Someday when you actually want her out of your hair or you need to watch your football game, she can entertain herself with her scrapbooking or silly things like that.

If you make yourself the center of her universe, she will ultimately bug you to death. If you are controlling, then she will likely give up her hobbies and the quirks that make her unique. You really don't want her doing that because there will be times you want your space and if she's made you her world, then you will never get that peace.

Keep it going. Dating needs to continue after you've begun a serious relationship or marriage. I know men want to be done with dating because they already "got the girl" (that conquering thing), but relationships need to be kept in your "maintenance" file. She should never be in your outgoing pile. This is the type of work that needs to be kept up on and maintained for as long as you have the job. Some of your basic duties at work are daily or at least consistent, well, think of your woman as that. You need to keep up with them if you want to keep your job and you need to date your woman if you want to get the most out of your relationship.

Arguments

If she's worth fighting for, fight for her! Chase after her. If you've ever seen any romance movie (the ideal world for a woman) you'd know the man always chases her down in the end and humbly professes his love. A woman wants to know a man will fight for her. She wants to see that you want to make things better. If you love your job and were on probation for something at work, you'd do all it took to salvage it.

Actions speak louder than words. If you've said you'll change and you don't, if you've said your sorry but do it again, you've become a man not of your word. In today's society a man is deemed for his qualities on the outside (money, car, appearance). The man of decades ago, was one that was deemed a man by his inner qualities (integrity, responsibility).

A woman will see you in a lesser light if you consistently act against your words. She won't believe in you anymore. I believe (a wild guess) that men want more than anything to be respected. A way to earn respect is being a man of your word. Even your boss would ultimately fire you if you always promised certain work but never delivered or if you gave lame excuses for lack of action.

Whoa! One at a time! Arguments with women tend to turn into a snowball effect (OK an avalanche) of one hundred things at once and it gets very overwhelming. During this time ask her if she could pick one thing at a time to discuss and if that one thing seems small (use good judgement here) then ask her what's really bothering her. Chances are it's one big thing, maybe even unrelated to you, but she needs to vent. Expect and accept that part of being with a woman, involves listening.

Nagging is important! I'm on your side guys. If it seems you hear the same thing over and over, you should just listen, but not to the words coming out of her mouth. Yes, I just said that! The words coming out of her mouth can often feel like she is degrading you or changing you. Listen to what is really going on. She feels hurt because somehow you triggered something in her that reminds her of another time when she was hurt. This isn't your fault, but you can do something about it.

If she is repeating herself, it means she doesn't feel like you heard her the first dozen times. If it's something she'd like you to change or help her with, think about it, come to a compromise; Ask her what 3 things you can do for her, and choose one. As corny as it sounds, a woman and man are meant to compliment each other, help each other where one is strong and the other is weak, and teach each other things.

If all else fails, give her chocolate.

Sex

This is a guide about women written by a woman and I saved the best for last.

Experience isn't everything. My number one pet peeve about men is even a sexually confident woman like myself could give a man a few subtle and sexy hints about how to please me, but they would always revert back to doing things that please themselves or doing it their way.

For the longest time, my friends would ask me why I dated younger men when older men were more experienced. My answer was simple; younger men are willing to learn and they're not stuck in their ways yet. If you have been with a woman for a while, she has probably given up showing you how to please her (or perhaps you already do- thumbs up!), but it doesn't hurt to ask her. If you're in a new sexual encounter, listen to her about what pleases her...listen good. Ask if she's not letting you know...ask her if this orthat pleases her. If you hate to ask or verbalize, then pay attention to body language; slight pulling away means stop, pushing forward mean go.

Don't announce or hastily elude to your erection, saying something like "I'm hard baby". Women pretty much know you are turned on at least 2 minutes into a groping session. In the meager amount of time it takes a man to get an erection, the woman is still ten steps behind.

Start with the woman. Simple math will tell you that if it takes longer for a woman to get aroused than a man, then start with the woman. Sex doesn't begin with your erection- that's not the only signal for fun. The average woman needs 20 minutes to warm up, start with her 20 minutes before yourself.

Watching porn. This is a very mixed-feelings topic. What is too much, what hurts the relationship, does the woman find it totally offensive? First, never be a closet watcher- yes, you can watch it alone without her, but only if she knows you watch it in general. Sometimes porn spices up relationships, but other times it ruins them.

Multiple studies show that when a man looks at a very attractive female, he judges an average woman less attractive than if he hadn't seen that gorgeous image of a woman prior. So porn can detract from your own woman's beauty.

My biggest problem with porn is how it trains men. Most porn focuses on the man- sex begins with him and ends when HE finishes. The scenes are usually about her pleasing him and based on his expectations. This is all bad habits and not reality. So guys if you watch porn, know that it's like the superman movie you watched as a boy- you really can't fly...it's not real!

Talk about her fantasies. Since women's sex organ is their brain, you can learn a lot about a woman by talking to her about sexual things. She may have fantasies of being dominated (many women do) or being the one dominating. This can tell you how to approach her in the bedroom. You can also talk about how she gets turned on when she is alone. Does she please herself?

Understanding Relationship Communication

Why do people fight?

Does everybody really understand why people fight even when they grow up? A couple may argue about money but arguments may differ between a parent and a child. People may talk back against each other, fight over traffic or even argue about opinions. We can see it in the news, TV shows and even in kids’ animation programs that people argue most of the time. But do we really have to fight? Perhaps, this can be linked to our understanding about the importance and effects of relationship communication in our life, career and its impact to our society.

Relationship is a connection between two individuals or group of people, wherein their ability to express themselves plays a major role in their everyday living. Communication is how we convey our thoughts, ideas, or feelings to others. It is not only the process of expression but it is also coupled with the ability to listen. This is important in all types of a relationship.

You cannot have a relationship without communication or having a communication without creating a relationship, which is why, these two are always joined together. . . a RELATIONSHIP COMMUNICATION.

People put a lot of effort in communicating, may it be in a verbal or nonverbal form. Basically, an effective verbal communication is saying our message through the use of right words such as “You would look good if you put on some make-up” instead of telling the other person “You look ugly.” Using the right words would not offend somebody and we will not eventually sound so tactless. Whereas, an effective nonverbal communication is using the right body language to convey our message such as crossing your arms instead of yawning if you want to tell your visitors to go home because it is already late at night. These two gestures can mean the same thing that you’re no longer interested in the discussion.

What we say and how we say it contributes to the experience of others that may shape their opinion about us. Even if we don’t say anything but our gestures and facial expressions can send a strong message to others. Our ability to listen contributes to how we understand other people’s message that affects our impression towards them that eventually creates our relationship with them. For instance, when a child talks to their parents who are busy doing other chores and doesn’t pay attention then that child might develop the impression that his parents doesn’t love him anymore. This simple incident may result to a bigger problem in the future that is having a feeling of neglect within the child. However, there are a lot of listening techniques, which can be discussed in our succeeding articles that can help improve our communication skills.

Here are tips that can be used to have a successful communication in any relationship, which can be acronym in one word T-A-S-K.

Think first before you say it

- Always be sensitive to the feelings of others everytime you talk or make any gestures. Be sure not to offend the other person. As the saying goes “count 1 to 10 first before you react on something.” This also includes trying to control your temper such as getting angry so fast and saying things that you will later regret. People would appreciate it better if a person is more composed and calm. Collect your thoughts first because in this way, it would lessen any mistakes.

Avoid using too much body language

- If possible, always smile and do not frown when you talk. A happy face makes a happy day. Do not use too many gestures because it is sometimes annoying. It may be possibly be misinterpreted by the other person. There is also a tendency that what you are saying may be construed differently if your body language shows a conflicting message. People who are hearing it may take it as something else or in another meaning.

Simple and concise message

- Make it certain that the message gets through the other person. Use laymen’s term and don’t make the discussion complicated. Avoid going around the bush and don’t use flowery words. It sometimes makes the conversation irritating and confusing too. For instance, don’t say “you are loquacious” when you can say “you are talkative” that is using simple terms. A person expresses his thoughts at a different level when he talks to a child than to an adult.

Keep it clear

- Make sure your message is understandable. Try to ask questions to verify that he/ she understand the discussion. It can ensure you that both or all persons involved are in the same page, which means that everybody grasp everything clearly.

It is our individual TASK to make sure that we contribute to the development of a strong relationship through useful communication. Any couples, families, friends, or groups who want to have a strong and harmonious relationship should know the importance and details of an effective communication in a relationship. The kind of a relationship communication we have in our family helps build the values and attitudes of our children that definitely contributes to our society. How we talk and deal with our friends and co-workers shows our people handling skills that can be a factor in determining the success of our career.

Some Ways To Get a Smooth Relationship

Relation is like a crystal and very sophisticated. It needs proper care, maintenance and attention of both the partners and valuation.. It needs adjustment, good understanding and compromise. A compromise to make your beloved one happy and make him/ her feel that someone is there to take care about him/ her. If you can follow certain steps then it can be easier and comfortable to make a strong bondage between you and your partner.

1- Always be genuine to your beloved one. Let him/ her feel that you are like a open book to him/ her. Trust is a big thing in this relationship and once it breaks then none can bring it back in mind which will create problems in your love life and sometimes may caused break up of a relationship. So be truthful to your partner. Say whatever you feel; say whatever incidents happen to you. Then if he/ she stays with you the he/ she is yours and his/ her love is true for you.

2 - Try to spend a quality time with your beloved one. It will make your partner feel that you are not ignoring him/ her. Try to communicate with him in every possible way, whether you are busy in works or doing something else. If you cannot make a call to him/ her then just send an SMS and make your beloved one feel how much he/ she is important to you. And also show that in spite of being so busy and having a tight schedule, you are aware of him/ her.Sometimes a Romantic SMS or Love Scraps are very helpful to expose your feelings towards your partner and it also make them feel that in every situation or how much you get busy in work, you always think about your partner and that also increases love for you in your partner's mind.

3- Listen his/ her every word very carefully, what your partner says, wants to do, feel and that could make easier for you to understand your partner’s mentality. And that will also help you to know how he/ she is. Thought is very important factor to know about some one’s nature. That will also help you to continue this relationship and you will be able to make a strong understanding between you both. And don’t hide anything from him/ she and that may increase doubt in this relationship.

4- Don’t let him/ her feel that he/ she is alone and no one is there to stand beside of him/ her. That may also cause harm in your relationship. Whether he/ she is wrong or right, stay beside your partner in every situation and try to boost him/ her in every possible way. Give suggestions to him/ her politely but don’t impose your decision forcefully on him/ her. But always bother for what he/ she is doing, with whom he/ she is meeting, where he/ she is going etc.

5- Don’t let someone to interfere into your relationship. Always try to solve it with your beloved one. You can share your feelings with your friends and those who are closed to your heart or whom you can feel better to share but don’t let them underestimate your beloved one. It can also hurt his/ her respect in spite of knowing that she/ he is wrong.

Talk to your partner politely about your problems and try to find out the reason of that problem along with him/ her. That could make your partner realize about the guilt that he/ she has done. And always try to make the situation cool and casual that can also prevent from being bitter.

6- Do not always blame him/ her about any matter. That can also bring a complex in mind of your partner. Always try to make any situation easy and be responsible and careful about her emotion. Don’t say anything or do any act which may hurt his/ her emotion. Mind that all these can bring an obstacle in the way of growing your relationship and these may fade the attraction for each other between you both.

Nourish your relationship softly and carefully like a mother takes care of her child. Love is divine and god blessings. So don’t let it get out of your life by doing some mistakes. Don’t let come your ego between your relationships. Take your partner as he/ she is. Don’t try to change him/ her. Be real and unique and let your partner also be like that. Then only you can taste the freshness of this relationship and spend a happy love life with your beloved one.

What trust means in a relationship

Trust in a new relationship

Trust is one of the key components in building a relationship. While most people know trust is built over a period of time. You can't just start a new relationship trusting your partner, but you also can't go into your relationship without trust. When entering a relationship with someone make sure you know them. Sometimes we think we know someone, but they can turn out different. I know it's hard to tell if someone is wearing a mask. This is where we trust on faith because if your partner hasn't wronged you for you to distrust them, then why not go on faith alone.

Now it's easy to walk away from something good; when you have been wronged in the past. Finding trust within your relationship can be hard when your trust has been broken too many times. Although it seems logical to be skeptical about your new relationship. Especially when your trust has been broken in the past, but you can't put your new partner on trial because of your last partner. Having walls up is not a bad thing, but eventually you will have to let them down with your new partner. If you don't feel like you can go into a new relationship with a 100% trust. Then, try going in with some trust and build your trust from there with your new partner.

Trust in your relationship

Trust that is already established in a relationship. Shows your partner and you have devoted themselves to one another. When this trust is broken it almost seems unforgivable. If you can't trust someone; you can't be in a healthy relationship. Now when it is broken whether it be cheating, stealing, and more. It can be repaired and if you feel it can't then you simply should leave your current relationship. If you forgive your partner for something they have done; you are already taking a step into rebuilding your trust. I know this will take time and trust is never rebuilt back to 100%.

Forgiving your partner is just the first step. Also, by forgiving your partner; you shouldn't throw what they have done to you, back in their face all the time. Now after you forgive you partner, you two just have to really work on rebuilding the trust together. You can try talking more, doing more things together and really communicating. In this time when your trust is broken it is very important to keep communicating and not shutting down. Communication is another key component in a relationship and it will be very important when your trust is broken. Your partner and you will have to work on rebuilding it together. You can't expect only the other side to work on it and change even if they were the cause. 

You also have to work on yourself.

When it is discovered that trust is broken. Instead of flipping out, sit down with your partner and have a long discussion on why this has happened. Then, try like a day or two away to really think to yourself. Don't give up on your relationship right away. If you have to adjust and do date nights and more time together then go for it. Trust can be rebuilt you just have to find what works for you. If all else fails leave the relationship and really work on yourself because jumping from one relationship won't fix what happened to you in your last.

These are just some things, if you have things to add I'd love to hear them.

Think about this deeply.... Interesting words

Patience and communication are key.



While i was searching for pictures to use for my posts recently i came across some pictures with word and i think i should share they with you with little words...



Trust alittle and build it up from there.



This is so true.

True love exist and you can have one. Mind the kind of advice you give others...

Venkat Desireddy said Because a thing seems difficult for you, do not advice anyone that they can’t ever do it.


So it is with the issue of real love, what i call unconditional love. My name is Temiloluwa Ade-Alao, a testimonial to true love. I have had my own share of ups and downs in the past, learnt from my past and living a happy live now and you too can. Stop advising friends wrongly cause you can make it work. Every difficult situations have solution. Don't use your own ill-treated relationship with your partner to determine the success and future of other people's relationship. You can be unlucky with your choice of partner that doesn't mean others will do the same, we are all different.

 Believe me you can make your relationship work. All you have to do is study the weakness of your partner and help him or her to improve. Be the best you can to your partner,show him or her how precious they are to you and let them know you expect the same from them. It's good to be blunt in certain situation, be open and straight for the benefit of the future. Tell him or her that if no changes occur you will be saying good bye for good cuz the future is all that matters.

That being said,back to the main starting point about advising others wrongly. True love like you see in movies, read in novels etc truly exist. Many are just being unlucky meeting wrong partner. In everything in life, foundation matters. The questions are; What is the foundation of your relationship? Just giving it a try,Money,The Future... People goes into relationship for different reasons and that reasons determine the future of the relationship.



Just giving it a try can give birth to a true love relationship if your partner share same mindset and goals with you. There is more to it. And if it's for money, it may never last and trouble may arise in the near future. When trial comes the relationship may not stand the test of time. Sometimes people goes into relationship for the purpose of milking their partner and change their mindset base on the growth of the relationship. For example what you think of your partner may not be the real him or her personality. Many fake personality, time they say will tell. Yea about going into a relationship for the purpose of the future work and also does work sometimes. Time is of essence in relationships, but my advice is have a good intention and the spirit to make things work. Nothing good comes easy, but you can achieve set goals if you work towards them.


Make you partner your best friend. Secrets in relationship is the first step to an unfruitful future... Lies give birth to unfaithfulness and the more you try to cover your lies the more unfaithful you become and it takes just an unexpected situation to unwinds all what you've been hiding and that can lead to distrust and when your partner can not truth you then you need not to be in that relationship. First make up your mind, you are either meant to be together or not. It either you win or lose not draw in relationship except deceiving yourself. After setting up your mind, call your partner and tell him or her all your past lies,unfaithfulness and beg for forgiveness and accept what ever the outcome is. Tell him or her to feel free to share any secret he or she may be hiding too. This will restructured your relationship and trust for each other.

So, stop telling friends love doesn't exist ok. You can make it happen in your current relationship if you feel what you share is not an unconditional love. For those who have suffered heart breaks, give someone new a chance but be vigilant and hide nothing and don't get loosen. Define your purpose and reason for going into the relationship and not going into it because you don't want to be single.

If you need help or advice ask TADAL....
Thanks...

WHY DO PEOPLE GO INTO RELATIONSHIPS

 In a relationship coaching session,I often ask "why do people go into relationships?". A common response is "it beats the hell out of living all by myself".
   I find many people get into a relationship for the wrong reasons. They do so to overcome loneliness,the pain of rejection,the need for companionship,the need for financial security and the need to satisfy the ego. Let's examine each of these needs;



 =THE NEED TO OVERCOME LONELINESS
   As the person hates being by themselves,they look for a mate,any mate that shows interest to help overcome the problem. As the saying goes "someone is better than no one".

= THE NEED FOR COMPANIONSHIP
   It feels terrible going to parties or out to dinner all by oneself. Some people say their partner is their best friend. I have had a lot of best friends and never married any of them! Your relationship partner needs to be more than your best friend.

= THE NEED TO OVERCOME THE PAIN OF REJECTION
   When a person feels rejected,they feel so devastated that the only way to overcome this is to find another partner,this gets their mind off the hurt- and does even more if the EX has a new partner.

= THE NEED FOR SEX
   Sometimes a person gets into a relationship because the sex is great.they often fall in love with the sex rather than the person. As a side note: this problem occurs with both men and women. There are some well known people who are constantly in the media with this problem.

= THE NEED FOR FINANCIAL SECURITY
  They view their partner as able to give them the lifestyle they like or would like. Hence the term "he/she only married them for their money"
    The above 5 points are reasons why people get into a relationship and why they stay in a bad relationship.
   In the next edition,we will discuss how you can do to make your relationship magical

If you would like any help in this area, please feel free to contact me.

SETTING BOUNDARIES IN RELATIONSHIPS

I have heard of very ridiculous things people accept from their partners just to keep their relationships and to keep their partners from walking away and I find it rather unneccesary because I have learnt that when people want to walk away from you,let them walk;there is no point reducing yourself to a door mat just because you want to keep a relationship!

I find out that one of the reasons why people do this, is because they believe no one else will love them as much as: which is rather ridiculous because the person that has fallen out of love with them,loved them initially,so what stops someone better from loving them? The truth is, we all have to learn to know when people's part in our story is over;if you have to talk someone into loving and caring for you,then leave them(well,except of course you are already on the other side of the altar) your destiny is not tied to the person who has left;people leave because they are not joined to you,let them go,don't wait until you get to that point when you lose your self esteem,respect and confidence before you decide to let them take their leave

50 Albums To Play After A Breakup

Whether you’re distraught, angry, or feeling sorta numb, these are the records that are there for you when you need it most. Some will cheer you up, and others will just let you wallow.

1. Fleetwood Mac, Rumours

The ultimate breakup album, and the rare collection of songs to offer both sides of the story, since the record largely documents the dissolution of Lindsey Buckingham and Stevie Nicks’ long-term relationship with each other. As an added bonus, Christine McVie’s songs are about the aftermath of her split from her husband and bandmate John McVie. Every song on the record deals with some aspect of heartbreak, but Buckingham’s “Go Your Own Way” stands out as possibly the most passive-aggressive rock anthem of all time.

2. Fiona Apple, The Idler Wheel…

Fiona Apple’s entire body of work is perfect breakup music; any of her four albums are an excellent soundtrack for wallowing in pain. The Idler Wheel…, her most recent, is the most raw, and extra devastating in the way she places most of the blame on herself. “How can I ask anyone to love me when all I do is beg to be left alone?” she howls on one of the album’s best cuts. It’s harrowing stuff.

3. Kanye West, 808s and Heartbreak

Kanye West’s most experimental album is also his most nakedly emotional, with a hundred shades of icy AutoTune barely masking his anger, sorrow, and self-pity.

4. Blur, 13

13 was a creative departure for Blur, a band better known for scathing parodies of modern British life than for depressive, confessional ballads. Damon Albarn went all in with this record, dealing with the aftermath of his relationship with Elastica singer Justine Frischmann with a set of brutally cathartic and heartbreaking tunes about recognizing that something central to your life is now completely gone.

5. Beck, Sea Change

Beck was so distraught after the end of his long-term relationship with stylist Leigh Limon that he made a hard stylistic turn away from the bright, funky music of Odelayand Midnite Vultures to create this collection of slow, almost unbearably sad meditations on loss and loneliness.

6. Patsy Cline, Showcase

Patsy Cline’s second album is a classic from top to bottom, but if you’ve just been dumped, you’re probably only going to end up playing the timeless, extraordinarily melancholy hits “Crazy” and “I Fall to Pieces” on an endless loop.

7. Joni Mitchell, Blue

Joni Mitchell’s fourth album is the perfect relationship post-mortem record, looking back on the good and the bad times with a mix of bittersweet fondness and lingering grief.

8. Elliott Smith, Either/Or

Elliott Smith’s entire body of work is rather depressive, but Either/Or is the album that best captures the self-loathing and wounded pride of someone who can’t quite get over a broken relationship.

9. Adele, 21

Adele’s second album is a blockbuster of undiluted post-breakup trauma, from the righteous indignation of “Rolling in the Deep” to the all-out despair of “Someone Like You” and everything in between.

10. Robyn, Body Talk

Robyn has a long history of writing perfect, emotionally gutting breakup songs, but this collection of songs is her creative peak, with “Dancing on My Own,” “Indestructible,” and “Call Your Girlfriend” forming the ultimate trifecta of dance-away-the-tears anthems.

11. Mary J. Blige, Share My World

Mary J. Blige’s third album is a tour de force of heart-crushing R&B, packed with intense songs about living with and without love. “Not Gon’ Cry” is the masterstroke, a clear-eyed ballad about finding the strength to let go of someone who is all wrong for you.

12. Taylor Swift, Speak Now

Taylor Swift has made a career out of penning bitter breakup tunes, so really, any of her albums could do the trick. Speak Now finds the ideal balance between pop hooks and genuine country-rock melancholy, to the point that you can easily listen to a track like “Dear John” without thinking too much about the fact that it’s about John Mayer.

13. The Mountain Goats, Get Lonely

John Darnielle, one of the great modern poets of misery, focuses on the dissolution of a relationship over the course of this record, resulting in some of the most excruciatingly sad music of his career.

14. Björk, Homogenic

Björk’s artistic masterpiece is also a phenomenal breakup album, with the first half of the set focused mainly on characters searching for freedom, while the second half is full of brutally frank lyrics about moving on from a failed relationship. “5 Years” is particularly powerful, with the Icelandic singer chastising her ex as a coward who “can’t handle love.”

15. Otis Redding, Lonely & Blue

This compilation is billed as a set of Otis Redding’s “deepest soul,” but it’s more accurately described as his most heartbreaking ballads. It is almost impossible to find music that captures the feeling of lovelorn desperation as well as “These Arms of Mine” and “I Love You More Than Words Can Say.”

16. Carole King, Tapestry

Carole King’s blockbuster album covers a range of emotions, but it’s most memorable moments fixate on fading love. “It’s Too Late” is one of the all-time best breakup songs: a perfect evocation of the moment you know that while you love someone, you’re not in love with them anymore.

17. Bat for Lashes, Two Suns

Breakups have a way of blowing our emotions way out of proportion, and Natasha Khan runs with that all through her second album as Bat for Lashes, giving every song an epic, cinematic scale. The most devastating track, “Siren Song,” is sung from the perspective of a woman struggling with guilt as she strings along a man she’s about to leave heartbroken. “My name is Pearl and I love you the best way I know how,” she sings before admitting a few moments later, “but I’m evil, I’m evil.”

18. Wilco, Yankee Hotel Foxtrot

Jeff Tweedy has written dozens of songs about romantic disaster despite being married for many years, but he hit his peak with this record, which ping-pongs between reticence (“I Am Trying to Break Your Heart”) and emphatic commitment (“I’m the Man Who Loves You”). There are at least a dozen couplets on this record that will cut your heart in two, but the defining moment of the record comes when Tweedy creaks the line, “Oh, distance has no way of making love understandable” on “Radio Cure.”

19. Kelly Clarkson, Breakaway

“Since U Been Gone” may be the “I’m moving on, and good riddance!” anthem of the entire ’00s, but it’s not the only amazing breakup song on Breakaway. The title track and “Walk Away” nail a similar sentiment, so it’s no surprise that Clarkson has become a hero to jilted lovers everywhere.

20. Sleater-Kinney, The Hot Rock

Sleater-Kinney wrote a lot of emotionally raw breakup songs in the late ’90s, but their 1998 album The Hot Rock is almost exclusively focused on romantic turmoil. The most powerful songs contrast Carrie Brownstein and Corin Tucker’s voices for dramatic effect, with Brownstein’s cool vocals giving voice to rational thoughts while Tucker’s hyper-emotive wail delivers emotional sucker punches like “It’s not real / You don’t need to tell me that it’s NOT REEEEAAAALLLL!”

21. Marvin Gaye, Here, My Dear

This 1978 album was initially a commercial flop, but it’s since become a soul classic thanks to its frank, intensely personal depiction of Gaye’s painful, deeply contentious split from his first wife, Anna Gordy.

22. Bob Dylan, Blood on the Tracks

Bob Dylan has denied that the songs on this bitter, lovesick record are autobiographical, but it’s hard to believe — every word and note sounds very lived-in and true. But even if he’s telling the truth, the effect is all the same.

23. Of Montreal, Paralytic Stalks

Kevin Barnes has spent a lot of time writing incredibly angst-ridden songs about romantic strife, but Paralytic Stalks is the Of Montreal album that goes deepest into the darkest corners of his psyche. This is the record for the phase of the breakup where you absolutely loathe your ex. To get a sense of how far this record goes, one of its most lighthearted tunes has the chorus “I spend my waking hours haunting my own life / I made the one I love cry tonight / and it felt gooooood.” You’ve been warned.

24. Carrie Underwood, Some Hearts

Carrie Underwood’s hugely popular debut covers a lot of emotional ground, but if you’re at the end of your rope with a cheating partner, “Before He Cheats” is your jam. Can you think of a more brutal and specific song about getting revenge on a cheater?

25. Jack White, Blunderbuss

Jack White has been writing kiss-off songs for years, but his solo debut is his most bitter and heartbroken. It can be hard to tell whether he’s mourning the end of his marriage or the breakup of The White Stripes, but there’s no mistaking the bile that fuels tracks like “Sixteen Saltines” and “Hypocritical Kiss.”

26. The Cure, Disintegration

The Cure perfected their brand of gloomy romanticism on this record and gave the world some of the most perfect songs for reflecting on love and loss. It’s depressive, sure, but it’s sung from the perspective of a person who truly believes in love.

27. Sebadoh, Bakesale

Lou Barlow and Jason Loewenstein dwell on romantic catastrophe on every Sebadoh record, but Bakesale is the album where their punk aggression and passive-aggressive lyrical style came together most perfectly. “Rebound,” in particular, is the perfect song for anyone in a manic, promiscuous phase after splitting with a long-term partner.

28. The Weeknd, Trilogy

Abel Tesfaye’s songs are almost exclusively meditations on romantic and sexual angst. Trilogy, a collection of his three acclaimed mixtape albums, makes sulking sound sexy, even when the lyrics basically amount to Tesfaye crying, “LOOK WHAT YOU’VE DONE TO ME!” at his ex.

29. Beach House, Teen Dream

Teen Dream perfectly captures the numb feeling that can come after a particular traumatic breakup. The dark emotions linger, but the dominant sentiment is working through pain to get to a better place. As Victoria Legrand sings on “Walk in the Park,” “In a matter of time / It would slip from my mind / In and out of my life.”

30. Alanis Morrissette, Jagged Little Pill

Alanis Morrissette covers a lot of emotional ground on Jagged Little Pill, and if you sequence the record differently, you can make it a story about someone who falls madly in love, falls waaaaay out of love, and then gets over it. But let’s be real: You need this because “You Oughta Know” is one of the most fierce kiss-off songs ever written.

31. Bon Iver, For Emma, Forever Ago

Justin Vernon’s debut album as Bon Iver is basically an indie-folk legend by now: After a bad breakup, he hid away in a cabin in rural Wisconsin and wrote the perfect album for anyone yearning to basically disappear from the world after getting their heart broken.

32. Liz Phair, Exile in Guyville

Liz Phair’s brilliant debut cycles through many feelings, but the most potent cuts deal with the aftermath of a complicated relationship. Nothing comes easy in Phair’s world, and she never lets herself off the hook. In “Divorce Song,” the album’s most painful song about a split, she admits, “It’s harder to be friends than lovers, and you shouldn’t try to mix the two / Because if you do it and you’re still unhappy, you know that the problem is you.”

33. Death Cab for Cutie, Transatlanticism

Even in the context of Ben Gibbard’s catalog, Transatlanticism stands out as an epic of heartbreak. The title track is particularly powerful, expressing an all-consuming need for someone who seems to drift further away by the moment.

34. Brand New, Deja Entendu

Brand New’s second album is a dark and brooding meditation on how fragile you feel as a teenager, navigating a world that you don’t really understand. Deja Entendu takes the heart-on-your-sleeve spirit of a Smiths album and then strips any hope or whimsy, resulting in a relentlessly depressing but ultimately cathartic set of songs.

35. Frank Sinatra, In the Wee Small Hours

Frank Sinatra is famous for his unflappable cool, but one of his finest albums is a set of jazz vocal tunes that wallows in despair and self-pity. It’s the perfect record for the sad guy drinking a martini by himself at the end of the bar.

36. Tegan and Sara, The Con

The Con sounds upbeat, but Tegan and Sara’s lyrics go to some dark emotional places, and say the sort of things that you might write to someone you’re breaking up with in the middle of the night but then not actually hit send.

37. Mary Wells, The Ultimate Collection

Motown legend Mary Wells had a lovely, slightly weary voice that was ideal for up-tempo tunes with melancholy themes: “What’s Easy for Two Is So Hard for One,” “You Lost the Sweetest Boy,” and, most especially, “The One Who Really Loves You.” This is what you play when you’re almost over the worst of it but can’t quite let it go.

38. Portishead, Dummy

Portishead’s debut album makes self-pity seem totally glamorous and sexy. The album is elegantly depressive from start to finish, but it’s hard to top the moment in “Sour Times” when Beth Gibbons sings “Nobody loves me, it’s true / Not like you do” with a tone that’s as self-loathing as it is seductive.

39. Rilo Kiley, More Adventurous

Jenny Lewis’ characters on More Adventurous can’t stop making bad decisions — falling into bed too soon with the wrong guys, becoming obsessed with married men, and showing up at the ex’s house of nowhere. There are a lot of grim moments, but there’s at least one bright spot: “I Never,” a gorgeous ballad pining for the ideal partner you just haven’t met yet.

40. Ryan Adams, Heartbreaker

Ryan Adams has spent his career mainly writing songs about breaking hearts or being heartbroken, so it makes perfect sense that his most widely loved record would just be called Heartbreaker. It’s a very, very accurate title.

41. The Mynabirds, What We Lose in the Fire We Gain in the Flood

Laura Burhenn’s first album as the singer of the blue-eyed soul band The Mynabirds takes a philosophical approach to the end of a relationship, balancing out a palpable sadness with a clear-eyed fatalism.

42. Beyoncé, B’Day

Even Beyoncé can feel rejected! No one could be more furious about that fact than Beyoncé herself, as she storms through songs directed at the “other woman” and ungrateful lovers with an imperious rage. There are moments of vulnerability too, but the power of this album is in how it makes you feel that you, too, are irreplaceable.

43. Lily Allen, It’s Not Me, It’s You

Lily Allen’s second album is snarky, bitter, and impossibly catchy, with songs that lash out at unacceptable suitors, inadequate boyfriends, and, ultimately, herself.

44. PJ Harvey, Rid of Me

If you’re feeling a little…intense after a messy breakup, PJ Harvey is there for you.Rid of Me has a raw, spontaneous sound, and songs about love, sex, and revenge that turn on a dime from almost uncomfortably intimate to extremely loud and aggressive.

45. Derek and the Dominos, Layla and Other Assorted Love Songs

Eric Clapton’s only album as the frontman of Derek and the Dominos is a lovesick blues rock epic that culminates with “Layla,” a seven-minute classic about his painful, then-unrequited love for his best friend’s wife.

46. Cat Power, The Greatest

Cat Power’s entire discography is a perfect soundtrack for post-breakup sadness, but The Greatest is the one with a balance of raw-nerve emotion and a measure of hope for the future. It’s the record for when you’re emotionally bruised but convinced that you’ll eventually be stronger for it.

47. Pretty much any greatest hits collection by George Jones

George Jones made it his life’s work to perform some of the saddest, most painful tunes about heartbreak in the history of country, or pop music in general. Any George Jones record will do, but aim for one of his many hits compilations.

48. Rachael Yamagata, Happenstance

Rachael Yamagata’s debut may dwell on romantic turmoil and unrequited love, but it’s not a dark or dour record — if anything, she finds a way to let go of lingering pain in songs like “Letter Read” and “Under My Skin.”

49. Dashboard Confessional, The Places You Have Come to Fear the Most

Dashboard Confessional practically sounds like a breakup, with songs that alternate between unnerving quiet and bursts of desperate shouting. The Places You Have Come to Fear the Most is the ideal soundtrack for building a blanket fort of sadness in your bedroom after all the shouting is done.

50. The Magnetic Fields, 69 Love Songs

Just as the title says, it’s 69 love songs. Some of them might not feel right after a breakup, but there are at least 20 or so darkly humorous songs about getting dumped that will do the trick.