THE UNAVAILABLE MEN

I'm here to tackle this online dating scene,men who portrays themselves as "wounded and emotionally unavailable" are often just looking for sex. I always encourage men to be more honest with what they want and not rely on "code" to communicate their intentions.
  I'm left wondering,"yeah,ok......... Why do you suppose that line worked so well for so long?" Is it possible that men who portray themselves this way [whether they are or not] tend to elicit a vulnerable/emphatic response from women that often leads to sex? Is it possible that there's nothing more attractive than the thing/person you can't have? Um,yeah. Its a gross generalization of course but it reflects a set of beliefs that are relatively common.
  The myths and misconceptions regarding the ability of good women to change bad men have been proven untrue for millenniums and yet they are the disgustingly theme of lifetime! Good women meets tragically heartbroken men who hides their vulnerability behind the facade of being an asshole,she loves him into being a man who is emotionally available! The thought process seems to be,"his ex was a mean girl and hurt him in a number of ways,he just needs a good woman,if he falls in love with me,HE WILL CHANGE"

  Perhaps there is a time in our youth when we believe the fodder of dick flicks and the myth of "happily ever after"

  As a therapist,here's what I see! The type of people we grew up with are the kind of folks we're most familiar connecting to and we tend to gravitate towards people like them later in life because we feel comfortable relating in well known ways.

  Each of us has a story and unfortunately,many of us are seeking a different ending to a familiar tale. I have seen many good women be with men who are absolutely terrified of showing emotion,appearing 'weak'/vulnerable and who are terrified of intimacy. This of course leads to unsatisfying relationships. The reasons why so many men are this way is a subject for another day.

  SIGNS OF AN UNAVAILABLE MAN
~ he doesn't follow through with what he said he would do.
~ the amount of time he spends at work leaves little time for anything else
~he lives very far away
~ the work he does is unfulfilling
~ he spends an inordinate amount of time with his parents
~the way he talks about his ex reveals anger,resentment and blame
~he wants to spend 24hours with you right away and is choking you up with calls or texts
~he seems to be too needy of your approval and praise
~after several dates,he is actually dating someone else
~he is depressed