COMING LATE TO THE MARRIAGE PARTY

The reason you're having these challenges is because you were used to staying alone. You married late.

You're used to taking decisions without consultation. You'll need to make adjustments. Don't forget you had almost resigned yourself to spinsterhood when this man came along. Why stay out for so long only to wreck the marriage when the opportunity came along! It's worth saving your marriage. And why shouldn't it work! You have age on your side. With age comes appreciation of the graciousness of life. With age also come maturity and a considerate approach to marriage.

This maturity is one of your husband's consolations. He didn’t marry a small girl. He married a mature woman. As I see it, the problem lies in the contest of wills and communication - a lack of it in particular. And then the tone. You're a GM in your office. You're used to giving orders. You're she who must be obeyed. You can't transfer your office function home and begin to give instructions to your husband like the GM you are. Won't work! You have to separate Jil the General Manager from Jil the Wife. They are separate individuals.

There are of course expectations we have of the man. Having failed at marriage once we expect him to succeed this time. And honestly if both of you fail at this you'll become a "parable in Israel" - "Remember So and So?!" If you're working late just give your husband a call. Send him a text. It's the considerate thing to do. If you're out late without notification and your husband isn't worried, we should be worried!

Uncared, carelessness, resignation, suspicion, anger, resentment are words which readily come to mind. No longer caring is often symptomatic of deep resentment. That's a long dark alley - the valley of the shadow of death. A simple notification will not allow the imagination to prosper. It renders the accuser mute, eliminates suspicion. Communication, communication, communication. It's one of the most important ingredients of marriage. You can't be single in marriage.

And yes he appreciates all the beautiful gifts your earnings can buy but the biggest gift of all is your availability. You must make time to spend with your husband. All week you're out, and tired. And now all weekend?! It's one engagement after the other all weekend. And the few available moments you spend with your friends. What about "Us time"? What about Saturday morning cuddles? What about enjoying the company of each other? Wisdom dear! Wisdom! A man should not be neglected. You're neglecting your husband. If you continue this way, your marriage will become an apparatus of matrimonial status, a functioning shell. And that's how the road to divorce court is tarred - matrimonial neglect. A tar is "a black bituminous odorous viscous liquid obtained by destructive distillation of organic material" – Webster. Sounds like the by product of a chemistry exercise by a malevolent force in a bad marriage. With your stations both of you have means to drop everything and take off for the weekend. Book into a hotel for the weekend. Forget everything and everyone. Spend time together. Live, play, love. Kill the alarm, watch movies, all day. Laugh together. Take your bath late. Dine alfresco. Sleep in. The pressure never ends. It will never end. The more you succeed, the more you need to succeed.

Prioritise. Your husband is priority. Your home is important. Don't crash your marriage. You'll lose more than a husband. You'll lose more than a prefix. You'll lose a friend, confidant, emotional comfort, encourager, lover... Do you really want to lose all that? Mature men have a certain level of forbearance, but there comes a point when a man feels he's being taken for granted. You don't want your husband on the periphery of your life looking in on his marriage. You must both learn to do things together. It takes conscious effort. You must unlearn singlehood. Those habits you developed were coping mechanisms. Now things have changed, why are you keeping old habits? You can't also insist on doing things the way you used to when you were single. You're now married.

If you want to be happy in marriage you must be accommodating. Yes, your bed was always tidy and white before you married. So tidy it looked like an asylum advert. Now you have to accommodate his dishabille. It's called marriage! If you truly love him those complaints will become rituals of marriage - loving expressions of forbearance. Aren't those the kind of tales you hear from your mum about your dad's "incorrigible" ways? They're love chapters of old age. Don't lose your husband's friendship. It's invaluable. It's what's left after the sex and the teeth are gone in old age.

You may want to cut down on your discussions with your friends about your husband. He's not a subject matter. At his age men value privacy a lot. He's exposed to you and he wants what he considers secret, secret. Even if you don't consider them secret, should you be discussing your husband in salons?

You also have to learn to receive gifts. You may be financially self sufficient but you're not emotionally self sufficient. It's why you married in the first place. You've got a great chance with this man, don't blow it!

There's of course the issue of children. Having married late you're behind the curve. But you've got to carry him along before you book all those gynae and fertility appointments. You can't be self-concentrated and self-centered in marriage.

And you can't be correcting your husband in public glare, especially in your corporate social circles. If you must, do it respectfully and with love. You don't want your husband counter-putting you down in public, do you? Men take these things more personal than women. He may not say a word but trust me, he'll be resentful.

When two mature adults get together they ought to leverage on their maturity. What is the value of all that age and experience?

I do hope you humble yourself and make amendments. Don't turn your "Mrs" into "Ms".

From Ade-Alao Temiloluwa a renowned relationship consultant

FRIEND ZONE

Proximity breeds thoughts about the possibility of a relationship. If you're very close to someone the thought will cross your mind at one point or the other. You view your relationship with your lady friend as pure because there's no "ulterior motive". But the woman is asking herself: If we get along this much and you feel this comfortable around me, why isn't I The One? She's in a "reverse friends’ zone".



It's the vision of a prize that is nurtured but taken away by someone else. That she's helping you plan your wedding to another woman doesn't mean she doesn't want you! She HAS to help you plan your wedding. That's what's expected of her. She's supposed to be happy for you. She can't back down without looking bad. Her amity benevolence can't be curtailed. But in private all sorts of emotions will collide in her. She'll even compare herself with your bride statistically. She may feel rejected, feel used, become sad and angry. She'll worry about what others will be thinking. And that's one of the reasons she'll get very involved in the wedding plan. She doesn't want to come off as disappointed. She may be jealous of your bride, wondering what she has SHE doesn't have. And she's known you longer! Of course she'll never admit any of these to anyone, not even to herself. It's called denial.



She'll then go extremely out of her way to plan the nuptials. She's compensating, flushing out disappointment by exertion. If you take time to look back on some of her actions and statements you'll realize she's always wanted you. Look back. She might have snapped at you on one or two occasions for taking out other ladies. And that physical comfort - how she's so free with you may indeed be an expression of interest. She might have asked you to help with a zipper or two, a necklace or hand chain - you know, clasps. A zipper helping is a fellowship of intimacy. The clasp request is an "innocent" expression of romantic desire. You think she can't clasp her neck chain herself? How did she manage in your absence? She's been telling you something but you failed to decode. You're clueless aren't you!

In fairness those statements might have been drowned in express denials of any interest in you. That's why you can't understand her "strange behaviour" after you chose your bride. She may cut off from you or even show hostility to your bride after you get married. Happens! It's a natural reaction after a long and drawn out drama of disappointment. She can't even understand herself.  Things are never going to be the same again. Nature demands that. Your bride will not allow. She dropped you many hints on her connubial availability but you failed to pick up the clues. And you failed to pick up the signals because what she was saying was contradictory to what she desired. Her acts said I want you, her mouth said I want you not. This you read as sisterly friendship. And you misread her protectiveness; and those moments she spoke on your behalf, choosing purchase items for you.

The lesson to learn from this is that women communicate desire in penumbra. And that's also because sociological convention dictates against the express communication of desire for a man. Communication is thus carried out through coyness, niceness, availability, physical freedom, generous presents, etc. Without a high degree of relationship probability, explicit communication of desire will not come. She may even tell those who dare insinuate a romantic liaison, "Oh, we're just friends!" She says these contradictory stuffs to protect her PR - so it doesn't seem she went after you.

But your friend wanted the right of first refusal. It's a very complicated code, a sophistry even experienced men struggle with. And so the man says, "Nah! She's my sister!" when his friends rib him about his unusually close female friend. Men aren't wired to deal with communication sophistry. Unfortunately women don't know men aren't wired to deal with communication sophistry. It's why the guy is more likely to go for the woman who likes him and let's him know she likes him. One who doesn't say contradictory stuff, is not worried about others knowing she likes him and makes herself available.

Men are simplistic in their emotion decoding capabilities. If they're not players they get confused with games. They understand coyness. That's simple enough. They even understand invitational "rejection".  But once the plot becomes too thick or too convoluted the signal gets lost. They lose comprehension. Signals become too complicated to decode when there's too much calculation. "I want him but I don't want anyone or even him to think I actually want him" is convoluted PR calculation.

Some women extremely go out of their way to masquerade their desire. So much so the man they want is clueless! This is made possible because the woman is conversing in three layers in her head, all at once: She's expressing her desire to herself. She's enacting scenarios with the object of her desire. She's blocking off society. The third requires a lot of pretentiousness. The first two requires a lot of imagination. I do hope this helps explain your lady friend's "strange behaviour".

Tell your friends to take another look at their close female friends. To take time to read signals. Just a few questions: Is she possessive of you? Does she get annoyed when you take someone else out? Does she drop marriage hints? Do her marriage plans eerily fit into your circumstances or what she thinks you'll want? Does she sometimes compare herself to your girlfriend? Does she imagine herself in your scenarios? Is she worried you're moving too fast with a new relationship? Did your last girlfriend feel she was in a contest with her? Does she make purchase decisions on your behalf with authoritative quotes of your preferences? If it's a yes to many of these questions you may have a lurking affection sitting down somewhere.

If you see the signs and you're interested you may want to consider strategic lateral maneuvers. If you're not interested then be sure to know what you're doing!

JUSTIFICATION

I don't know if you've ever heard ringing phrases in your ear. You know, words that just keep looping in the ears, repeating themselves over and over again.

As I thought on what to share with you this weekend the words of an African proverb kept ringing in my ears. The proverb says in essence that the market is shutting down and the sellers must pack their wares and go home. As I ruminated over the strangeness of those words, looking for the meaning this interpretation came to my heart.

There's an issue you've been carrying in your heart for years now- a relationship issue. Perhaps you had a breakup of a long standing relationship; you feel you wasted your years- you're full of regrets. Or you went through a divorce last year or some years back. Your marriage crashed, after years of mental agony. Or you got pregnant for someone who then turned around and repudiated responsibility, amazingly! Or you got pregnant for someone you thought you were exclusive with only to discover otherwise. Or you got pregnant, and while he acknowledged paternity he then broke up with you. Or you got pregnant for someone who confusingly accepts biologic consequence but repudiates responsibility for your state! Or you got pregnant for someone who made promises, but who then vacated the promises and vacated your life.

You've been dealing with pain and anger, self recrimination and bitterness. You habour tears of anger, beneath your surface. Your eyes get wet when you think about your treatment and sequence of events. You feel like crying but the tears will not form in significant quantities. Sometimes you swallow the saliva of impotence. And sometimes the lava finds a crack and you lash out. You don't mean to, but you can't help it and you don’t care.

You've been rolling over the issue in your heart's mind, from year to year, You can't seem to let go of the cocktail of pain and anger. Can't let go, even after so many years.

Surprisingly some people have judged you without knowing the facts; without even hearing your side of the story. You're been castigated by the haters... And so you want justification. You keep replaying your justification in your head. You keep arguing with invisible accusers who are real but not real. There's no one to engage. Your accusers prefer to diss you out of accessible context behind your back. They won't confront you to give you an opportunity to state your case. Cowards they are!

That puts you in a limbo of some sort, - a medium in slow motion that can't really hit whatever it is. You're in this suspended animated state of existing, not moving forward though the years carry you by. You sense the busybodies condemning you don't actually want the facts. And how many will you explain to? And how many have you explained to? They listen to you but it's just fodder for gist.

You sense they're not really for you, that you're not getting through and it feels weird. Even your so called "friends" joined the circus of highwire condemnation. They bounced your history with them. And the people you expect will stand up for you have become political, ducking support. And your ex? He keeps playing to the gallery, with subtlety instigating the court of public opinion against you......feeding lies and misleading half truths to the republic of haters. He is now the victim! It's a vindictive PR war.

Your accusers have found a common cause. They are now a federation, though ordinarily they have nothing in common. It's a mixed multitude out there- the envious, the scornful, the haters, the malicious, the grudge bearers... The real pain for you, the nagging pain is a strange denial of opportunity to state your case. And so you keep addressing people in your heart, talking to imaginary people, trying to convince enemies who laugh at you.

Like a barrister in a law court you've been making your case every waking moment, walking through the aisles of facticity. If you pause to think you'll realise this argument, this justification exercise has been going on for years!

Even when you've moved on the federation keeps dragging you back, to answer unending charges. Silent accusations- like a grey atmosphere is hanging over you, is all around you, inside your head. And when you did get a chance to state your case to one of them every answer you gave generated additional accusation.

The truth is, you're wasting your time with the mixed multitude - the federation of accusers and traducers. You'll never get the justification you want, the justification you deserve. These people know the truth in their heart. They just choose to take a stand against you. It's malice aforethought.

And you wonder: Where were all these people in your years of suffering?! They had turned a blind eye to the obvious. The fact is, some are actually projecting their problems unto you. People with relationship issues sometimes do that. And it can be jealousy at play. You can't understand jealousy. You just accept it. Jealousy is not a rational emotion. You can't counter jealousy with facts. That's like stirring a large pot of soup with a screwdriver.

Some hate you because you had prison break- you courageously broke out of your situation. They're stuck! And if you've moved on and now have a wonderful relationship or marriage they view you like you got away with murder. Deliverance is not celebrated by all. Neither is progress. Stop seeking justification from unjust men. It is God that justifies.

Shut down the stalls. Don't ever discuss the issue again. Not even with your friends. The market is over. Only make sure you're a good mother to your kid(s). That you can't compromise. But it's time to totally put the past behind you, to truly move on. Shut the stalls of attempted justification for life. If you want the wound to heal stop peeling at the scab.

The more you talk about it the fresher it becomes, like a pain from just yesterday. If you're not careful it will go on for life. Witness how old people still talk with bitterness about a painful divorce. You don't owe any one of them an explanation on your life. You only owe your God and God is NOT condemning you. Let bygones be bygones. Stop meditating on the issue, seeking how to even the score.

Sometimes we have unblemished visions of our lives- no breakups, no divorce, no child out of wedlock... Our pain is sometimes the fact that this vision became blemished, turning us into subject headers of discussions. Sometimes the very fact we're being discussed brings pain. Until this incident you didn't know how private you were.

Let it go. Let him go. Let her go. Stop discussing him. Stop discussing her-  what he did to you, what she did to you. You've got to learn to let go of hurts in life, or you'll become petty, mean, stubborn, hard, sensitive and vindictive. I wish you love, and I wish you all the happiness you deserve

TIME TRAVEL

Today I want to talk about time travel. I know... Sci-fi right? But Physics is such a titillation for me. You should study it. The notion of time travel however presents a paradox - the Grandfather Paradox: Can one go back in time and kill one's own grandfather before one's father was conceived? This is the great paradox and scientists are grappling with it as with so many other bizarre realities of life.

Do you know there's a theoretical framework in Physics that says you can arrive from a journey before taking off? There's so much we don't know about life, so much to discover. Time travel of course raises questions about the nature of time itself. Is time linear like an arrow, or is it a constellation of spheres of existence, like planets as some suggest?

There's also the theoretical possibility of parallel universes. Does a "you" exist in another universe? What is Physics without exciting crazy possibilities! I wish it were properly taught in schools! Through Physics we peer into the brilliant mind of God! Theoretically, there's nothing limiting time travel, either to the past or future. Reality is another thing entirely though. But suppose we can indeed do time travel. How wonderful that would be!

Imagine if we can actually go into the past, to correct our paths in order to avoid the mistakes we have made. Or go into the past to amend our track so as to escape the trauma visited upon us. If Molly can go into the past, she could make herself one minute late to Joke's party - just one minute! Then she'd have avoided meeting Emeka the Barbarian, and all the trauma and drama. What if Justina could make herself go to the other party? She would then have avoided being raped by Sam. If Kenny can adjust the course of history, she would avoid meeting John in the present. He drained her account. And if Labake can also adjust her timeline not to sleep with Tunde. Then she wouldn't have been pregnant. Suppose, what if, perhaps, if... All these are suppositions and hypotheticals.
 
Scientists are battling with time travel not knowing we already do time travel. We undertake journeys into our past with suppositions and hypotheticals. I know Clara does time travel. She told me her aborted fetus would have been three years old now! She keeps punishing herself with that thought. We can be so harsh on ourselves, flagellating our souls in search of penance for restitution. We beat up ourselves so much for mistakes of the past we become too weak to make the journey into our future. As if doing injury to the fleshly stock of our soul would edit the past. The past is the past. No amount of recrimination we visit on ourselves will change the past. What has happened has happened. The problem most times is that we're unwilling to forgive ourselves. That unforgiven can be worse than not forgiving others. Both are terrible variants of one another. We all make mistakes. We've all made mistakes. Except hypocrites of course. Their pasts are perfect.

Amazing how God can graciously spare a man what he can't handle and he imagines himself a superman; begins to judge others! Sometimes we feel we've done such terrible things and God won't forgive us. Means you don't know God! He'll forgive anything. He’s not a man. God forgives! And he keeps forgiving! Men of course won't forgive. It's why they say terrible things about you, such horrible things! Yet their opinion is irrelevant. The only opinion that counts is God's and he's NOT judging you! Forgive yourself!

Let me quote an excerpt from David Jesse's Book of Poetry & Wonderments: "God makes everything come out right; he puts victims back on their feet... God is sheer mercy and grace; not easily angered, he’s rich in love. He doesn’t endlessly nag and scold, nor hold grudges forever. He doesn’t treat us as our sins deserve, nor pay us back in full for our wrongs. As high as heaven is over the earth, so strong is his love to those who fear him. And as far as sunrise is from sunset, he has separated us from our sins. As parents feel for their children, God feels for those who fear him. He knows us inside and out, keeps in mind that we’re made of mud. God’s love... is ever and always, eternally present to all who fear him, making everything right for them and their children as they follow his Covenant ways..." Psalm 103:6-18 MSG. This coming from a man who slept with another man's wife, impregnated her and tried to obscure paternity. He didn't stop there: he arranged the gentleman's murder; then he married his wife. If a murderer can script the foregoing, surely YOU can forgive yourself for being raped. (And how is that your fault?!)

Forgive yourself for making wrong choices in life, for stupidities of youth, for willfulness, foolishness... Stop traveling into the past. Stop visiting the mistakes of your past in the vehicle of "If only..." The island of mistakes in your past is not a good tourist destination. God loves you because of your past, not despite your past.

MEN AND CLEAVINGS

I sometimes find myself in the unenviable position of passing on difficult truth. Today is another one of those instances. But it's a responsibility I'm unperturbed about. I am enjoined by my Creator and my conscience to speak the truth to you in love, always. We sometimes need difficult truth. 

 

It's important in life to be able to prioritise one's hierarchy of sociology. Young men don't always do this. God's word says your wife is your No.1 priority. Not your children, not your extended family, or friends. Difficult truth. You can't possibly know more about marriage than God. He created it. And you can't be wiser than God. You have to decide what philosophy you want to live by: God's or man's. Whatever decision you take will determine several outcomes in your life. 

 

People get confused mixing up God's directives with human convention.   We sometimes can't make up our mind whether we want to follow destructive societal templates or follow God. And so like a zig-zagging crab we jaunt to the right and to the left with the aim of forward movement. The moment you decided to take a wife, you sent a notice to the whole world. You told past girlfriends it's really over. And I want you to keep off! You told your family you're ready to leave home, to create an independent family unit though federated. You informed your friends and drink buddies your conjugation is a higher dimension of friendship. After all, who can ever be closer to you than the woman who is one flesh with you? These notices of yours have definitive implications. Those implications sometimes clash with strongly held cultural beliefs and human traditions. 

 

Some of those traditions have wrecked marriages through generations. Tell me, how is it that your sister, or brother holds sway over your marriage like it's a colonial entity? How is it that your sisters can come into your home, shove aside your wife and occupy her kitchen? How is it that every decision you make with your wife needs ratification by your family, as if it's a UN charter? How is it that your sisters and their children take economic priority over your wife's needs? How is it that your family members can slap your wife in your home yet claim to respect you? How is it that your family members can cart things away from your home irrespective of your wife? And why would you choose to live in the family house with your wife? She's going to live under tension! "For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother and shall cleave to his wife". It's a powerful statement. If you don't leave how can you cleave? 

 

And some men cleave unto past girlfriends after marriage, still texting, calling, arranging meetings. Some cleave to their sister. It's why they take decisions with their sister about their home and wife. Some cleave to drink buddies and sports buddies. They'd rather go to the club and bond than go home. To be sure women do variants of these things too. Some sit with their friends and gorge on their spouse. Will address that sometime in the future. This is a letter to men. It is amazing that we lump marital malfeasance under a nebulous header called "African Culture & Tradition". 

 

Of course being "tradition", no one has seen a written copy of this trado-cultural code. In other words, tradition can be anything self interested subscribers call it. And if these self interested people hold on to their beliefs and practices for long then it becomes "culture". After all culture is integrated belief and behaviour. 

But tell me, if the family is the basic unit of society, how then can cultural tradition be seeking to destroy marriages? A society propagating a tradition of marital annihilation is soon sociologically annihilated. African tradition as defined by these people comes across as negation of society. 

 

And what exactly is this "African Tradition & Culture"? Is it a mother who having lost her husband decides her son is her new husband and begins to contend with his wife? Is African tradition the strange philosophy of a woman being granted temporary residence in her own marriage? How do we explain a mother trying to destroy a marriage for the ONLY reason that the woman is from another tribe? These things are obviously wrong. How come we never question them?! 

 

Surely not everyone buys into these philosophies! There are many mothers-in-law who love their daughters-in-law and respect their marriages. Are such loving mothers-in-law not African? So who defined this aberrant culture of marital destruction? And which tradition? You're not really displaying wisdom subjugating your wife to these forces of nature. You're subjugating yourself, she's you! You're one. You can't separate her from you, it's an illusion! 

 

What kind of "tradition" gives extended family members the right to seize a man's assets upon his unfortunate death? The wife and children are rendered homeless, without means for education or livelihood. What type of ideology is, "Family is family, wife is a stranger"?! You better set your priorities right. Legacies include memories. We don't want Junior cursing Daddy's memory do we? 

BABY MAMA

Dear, the only reason you are in a university is to get a good education, boys are secondary, your education is primary, you need to get this clear lest you end up with a mismatched university calendar...... Your grade point cannot be dropping on account of a boy or emotional entanglement. If you attain every other thing on campus but you refuse to secure a good education what does it profit you! Seek first a good certificate and at this stage of your life, men are just addictive and that's the truth.

  This baby mama stuff is the latest trend today but believe me when I say becoming a baby mama is not as glamorous as it sounds, it will alter and change your life in ways you can't imagine, babies are not shoes that can be thrown out when you are tired of them, you are stick with them for the rest till you die! Even our parents are still stuck with us remember!. I know people say it’s an accident but let's be realistic, pregnancies don't come by accident.

 The truth is you are surrounded with active young men with raging hormones and at that stage, men think a lot about sex and these hormonal surges will still be in them for the next five decades so why rush! That's the reason why young men take off immediately they hear the word "I'm pregnant" because they suddenly realize they aren't ready for fatherhood. The issue of readiness for fatherhood is a big challenge for men, even married men! And the girl is the only one left with a bulging stomach and even our society is so hypocritical that the shame falls on the girl forgetting that the boy also had sex!

      The truth is your body will change and it cannot be the same again, you will have stretch marks and forget parties because your nice clothes won't fit anymore and your friends will whisper behind your back, gossips about you.......... Are you sure you can face that? And even after you become someone later in future people will still talk about you, they will judge your life like an experiment even though they are not innocent themselves.
  My advice for you, make friends but face your studies! Be focused and be wise. I remain your friend on the planet earth TADAL

What Other Nigerian Independent Artistes Should Learn from VTEK's Success Story

You all know me as a love therapist and an OAP. That's what comes to mind when the name Temiloluwa Ade-Alao or TADAL come to play. I usually blog about relationship tips, but speaking with young celebrity producer of Psquare;VTEK and his manager, i was blown away and i felt it would be nice to share one or two words with other independent musicians.

 Current young independent artists like Olamide, Iyanya..... to mention a few are making their mark in Nigeria now as music business entrepreneurs. This is my word to all independent artistes,still hoping to get signed by a label or working toward becoming famous. It's one thing to become famous and another to maintain the status. Like they say, it comes with proper plan not just working hard alone to be successful. 

You have to find a means of converting your artistic value into market value by creating a demand for your music, image and brand. The young man VTEK has set a good example for every serious and determine independent musicians in Nigeria to follow right now. His new single "Spotlight" featuring Capital F.E.M.I got over a million downloads within a month. He is still working on a promotional tour while millions of fans are still awaiting the video to the song. Close to sealing a multimillion naira endorsement/tour sponsorship deal with an international liquor brand. Setting up his personal imprint and partnering with 2 major music outfits in Nigeria and USA. 

What a good start for a career you would say as a young music business entrepreneur. Many would say he is being influenced by the Psquare as their official producer while some will say Eedris Abdulkareem and Kennis Music maybe ones triggering the moves based on their recent closeness.

 Here is what VTEK and his management have to say; quoting VTEK: "We all have dreams but learning from others especially those who are ahead of you make it easy for you to actualize your dreams". His manager Mr.Femi Lawal in his own words said: "What separates the winners from the losers is how a person reacts to each new twist of fate. We've been working according to plan and we learn from everyone around us. Our strategy is paying close attention to every little things people say because they can have the biggest impact at times and it has been working for us".

Wow! I must confess, I felt inspired by the words from VTEK and his manager. This is something to be kept on the right palm by other independent musicians. Music is now a business and it's either you do the business or play yourself out.

To some people - music is culture & family. To others it is a trend & a business. Where do you stand?

If you are not part of the above mentioned then you need to sit and think.There is a truth that you must realize about being a successful musician, music is a business! So if you want to make a living out of music, then you will have to organize your project in a way that makes money. 

 I hope this post will help you as an independent artist gain some insight and change your thinking about music and business. Don't get it wrong, it's easy in as much as you are ready to work and present yourself as a brand and not just another emerging artiste. 

We've seen many artistes come and go. These are the ones we call one hit wonder. Have you taken the time to think about what you would do what the fame comes? Many only focus of getting famous alone please dear brothers and sisters it's beyond just that. 

Like VTEK said, try to learn from everyone around you. Have a business plan along side with a project plan. I have been following him for a while now and i hope to see what the next few years have in stock for him. Following every stages of activities around VTEK's career, it is clear; there is a working plan. Meeting with Psquare, working with Eedris and other major acts are just door opener because he was able to justify himself with his single "Spotlight" and his follow up moves, tell it all.

Congratulations VTEK... Keeping an eye on you.